he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
