Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
