1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
