This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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