I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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