Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We got so high we made milksteak
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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