Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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