I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
