He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
