and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
