Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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