I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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