I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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