literally had 100 drinks last night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
