She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
