he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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