New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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