Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
