good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
