I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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