8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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