Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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