good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
