saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
