we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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