after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
