He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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