so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
