Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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