tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We named our party play list daddy issues
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
