Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
