we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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