The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
