come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
