what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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