Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
