I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
