I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
