found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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