wat bout pragnant strippers??
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
