she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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