is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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