Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
