It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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