if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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