Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
