Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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