You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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