My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
