You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Someone signed my nipple.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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